get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
