He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
