I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
