I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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