It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
