my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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