she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
