Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize