I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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