I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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