The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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