Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
