What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
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