Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My ATM looks so different sober.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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