I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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