fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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