They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
