sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
