WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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