You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
