It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
