Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
