Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
