On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
