god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
