I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
