omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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