You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
