They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My legs feel like baby dolphins
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
please don't ironically join a cult
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