In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
