people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize