and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
