When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
