Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
