come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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