Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
