Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
