I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
