the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
