This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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