I'm laying in your front yard are you home
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
