you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
