I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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