the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
