and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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