dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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