I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
They are going to name an STD after you.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
