you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
