I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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