Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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