Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
