Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
