I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
