I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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