Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
What a dumb baby whore.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
