guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
