I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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