There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We had sex on a dog bed..
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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