I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
