shes about as inviting as chlamydia
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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