he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
