he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
