if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
