I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
