Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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