dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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