Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
