I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
