Where did you get a picture of my penis
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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