on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize