its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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